7 more days of Christmas

hi! merry Christmas and happy coming 2014 in a couple days! just wanted to check in real quick...i have 7 days bfr routine and schedule catch up with me. 7 days to clean my house and organize and plan for the spring semester (annnnnnnd blog). and i'm holding on to an idea inspired by david crowder (a most loved musician in the reid family)...who performed a Christmas album live a couple yrs ago and said in his intro that if he did his math right: if there are twelve days of Christmas...that it's not really over til january 6th. ha...that's where i am right now. loving the celebration this year. (and that happens to be the day that we all go back to school and back to routine.)

i am sitting on a tile bathroom floor at a hilton in raleigh. so...very nice pretty bathroom floor. lol it's early, and i'm attempting to contain light and noise to this space as not to wake the girls that are with me. we are at a youth conference for just a night and i wanted to squeeze in a little writing here. so hi! i hope you are well!!!

i've been praying about the old testament and how to accomplish summary. days slip by so fast, and they are full. answer to my prayer comes in just write. so yeah.

i will post again later tonight or tomorrow. i pray for you a sweeeeeet 7 more days of Christmas.

lots of love, steph

death by a lion. part two.

i am sitting at the table in our home away from home (it seems). we have found this family friendly beach condo/hotel place with pretty great off-season rates that we have come to love (we've made so many memories here now...) and we decided to come at Christmas this year. crazy low nightly rate to come to heated swimming pools and atlantic shore in december...but this year, praise the Lord! they have had crazy unseasonably high highs. (in the low 70s). i just can't get it in my head...running errands in my hoodie and practically sweating because i can't quite go out in just a tshirt when my best friend, new yorker-now is posting pics of wintery wondery trees covered in lots and lots of inches (feet?) of snow.

this is the longest vacation we've taken as a family (just us) in...um...ever. five nights away. and this morning is the halfway point. *sigh* but fitting because my intention was to blog. blog. blog on this trip and i think it took me a couple of days to wind down and let some anxieties of life fall off...and pray through scott's fever and flu symptoms...and recover from aiden's walmart aisle grape juice and potato chip throw up incident (reminded me of the intoxicated patient when i worked in the ER...wine.) huh...yeah five yr old grape juice is much easier to deal with even if in the camping aisle. (loved carrying my clingy boy to the car/his lethargy miraculously healed when we got back to our place and he was ready to play hide-and-seek again). thinkin it was car sickness and nausea from the hot tub and hot bubble bath that morning. *whew*

soooo... part two. part two of this vacation. part two of my last asireadthebible post and writing through part two (well, a little more than half) of the old testament these next several days.

i've read and reread the death by a lion thoughts. i've thought about my mom. Christmas was her thing. her favorite. her joy. on second thought. on part two thought... not on second thought like i don't agree with what i previously wrote. but on continued thought... just a continued hope in the goodness of God. at Christmas. at advent.

this is about to help me. (thank You, Counselor.) sometimes i start writing, knowing what i'm supposed to write about but not knowing exactly the point yet. and then, as i type...He speaks. this is that time. one of those times. and i'm blown away. 

i just needed to write about my mom again. this is nothing about first kings. or about the thought-provoking narrative of a prophet. but...it is about question-of-the-heart answering truth. just a personal thing and a Christmas thing. i felt i needed to come back to part two of this blog. i wondered if i should say "i know that was speculation about why God may have allowed mom and dad to go through that. i have no way of knowing what the future held for them and definitely want to express confidence in who they had become and in the idea that God was doing some cool things in them at the time of her accident. they wanted to sing more. to sing with her sister and to give of their lives." to emphasize that we just don't know the whys sometimes and it's ok and i want to still and always trust. but also, i think i was to come back to it to think about what part two could mean to a blog like that.

this urgency to trust in His faithfulness. i'm supposed to emphasize this. that He is good. and more than that...that He is good because His heart is affectionate toward us.

three days away from Christmas and still not sure what to put under the tree for the four most important in our lives. tsion. salem. hope. aiden. when i was growing up, Christmas was soooo very simple. everyone got everyone else one or two simple but meaningful gifts. and we went from youngest to oldest opening each. taking the thoughtfulness in. our goal was to make mom cry. and she always did. and most years, dad either bought or made my sister and me a special gift. one year it was a handcrafted wooden box with a note "you are my treasure."

i've been anxious about my kids' expectation. but in my heart i know they just want to hear, "you are my treasure." 

and in our life experiences, i know that that is what we most need to hear...that
we. are. treasured. because this...!!!!!:  when we come to a place in life...in our own lives...or when we read about it. when we read about a death (by a lion or otherwise...) when we read about a tsunami or a school shooting or cancer or child abuse or...about the unloveliness or unlovingness of people who call themselves Christ-followers or about selfishness in alllllll its various forms ...we are shaken to the core and tempted to believe the lie that truth and trust are both evasive...and the lie that the Author of it all is indifferent.

can i shout this out this Christmas?:  He's not indifferent!! He loves! He concerns Himself with our pain and our circumstance and our past and our healing. He grieves when we grieve and injustice pains Him...as He stays/steadies His hand for coming judgment. He is poised for righting wrongs and healing and... for unthinkable mercy and forgiveness. and... 

He wants us to know that we are treasured.

reader!: "although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." we are treasured, and it is demonstrated to us in this (matt. 1:21) that He was born to mary and that she would call His name Jesus, "for He will save His people from their sins."
and romans 5:8, "that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (this means to me...He didn't die for us after we said we were sorry for everything. or after we made all the wrongs right in our lives. He died in anticipation that we would keep screwing things up and it would break His heart but He would wait...and some would respond to His love...and that was all worth it.)

you. are. treasured, reader. and in your circumstance, you can't see what He sees exactly, but He can still your heart and if you're listening...whisper to you that you are treasured. 

can't wait to whisper it in some creative way to my kids this Christmas...treasured by me and treasured by Him...God who came at advent.

death by a lion

ok, friends. i just posted for advent to blogspot and to facebook. and this man of God in first kings chapter 13. i couldn't...can't let it rest. thinking back to other studies i've done when there was a particularly harsh judgment given that may leave the reader with questions (i think back to the story of uzzah...see the post about hugging my bible/second samuel).

i ache to stay in this place of trust.

i think it is normal to read an account like this and think: the man was deceived and it was a mistake but ... punishable by violent death? 

my mom was in a car accident in december of 1999.  the only person we learned of that stopped at the scene of the accident said she was conscious for just a couple minutes and he heard her say, "i'm afraid." her car was pinned up against a tree and her body was stuck and she had a severe very severe head injury.  maybe not like death at the paw and jaw of a lion...but terrifying to a petite woman at the wheel of a car pinned to a tree. why?

i've had 14 years to think on that one.  (and two pretty intense years when she was still with us but not.)

she was living in kansas city, missouri at the time of the accident, and i went to be with her and with my dad for ten days. many hours in the waiting room at the hospital leant themselves to some talking time. dad told me at one point...updating me/informing me of what was going on in their lives...that they had been struggling and that mom would be going to counseling again. (still thinking that this accident was just a setback)... she had struggled much of her adult life with ups and downs emotionally/spiritually but had gained enormous victory during my teen years and i soooo learned from her life and faith walk. since the accident, i have wondered why. and...i remember after dad had moved her from kansas city here to winston-salem, nc having the knowledge that for the first few months when he was living with scott and me that he cried himself to sleep wondering why. she was no longer communicative and was not our "vangie." but she stayed with us for two years after the accident and i speculate that with each visit, she was in deep prayer. and i speculate that He took her to that place... and then, to heaven in december 2001 in many ways to spare her and to spare my dad and to spare my sister and me and our families from any ache and sorrow and angst of her walking through a funk emotionally again...and spiritually. i think...i think He wanted what was better for allllll of us. and that was the wholeness and health and crazy love of my dad's care for her those two years...while his hair grew long cause he told her that he wouldn't cut it til she told him to. watching him wash her hair and brush her teeth and shave her legs and all the other things nurses do for the unable...the beauty of a husband's love and the now knowledge of her place in heaven.  wow and writing all that out makes me want to tell soooo much more and live back through and share all that we learned in those years but...back to first kings. ;)

this is what i think. i wonder and speculate that God knew what the man of God would experience if left to walk out the rest of his days. he must have been a pretty intense guy with such a strong prophetic gift...to hear the word of God for the king and to have the guts to travel to him and prophecy there something quite unfavorable for jeroboam. the guy carried out this intense mission and on his way home, he made a huge mistake.  on the edge of the craziest most overwhelming day of his life...he disobeyed because he wasn't careful to see this mission through to the end exactly the way God had instructed. and this is what i wonder.  the way it is written in the record, it seems that God was punishing his disobedience and yeah, he was. he allowed him to die because he wasn't careful. but i see mercy in this act. i wonder, just like my mom, if God knew the man couldn't be in a healthy place mentally or emotionally for the rest of his days...thinking that he screwed up the most important mission and purpose of his life.  i wonder if he was sparing this intense man from guilt-filled sustaining thoughts...from beating himself up for years to come...from the intense pain of his perceived failure. and...this is just speculation of course...but there's so very much we don't know...that we can't know about why things happen that God allows.

i see mercy in this. and with each story that i read. with each life experience and stress and mystery and question...i long to trust my God who is merciful and just and faithful. and He will allow an abrupt ending or a job loss or an accident or even a death if it is for the good of those it touches.

He is good. and i trust God who allowed an unnamed man in first kings to die at the jaw of a lion.

and was going to end it there but looked for a scripture and immediately providentially found...

this: ....................isaiah 53:10-11!!!!!!  but the Lord was pleased to crush Him. this is prophecy about Jesus.

pleased? what... 
as a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; by His knowledge the Righteous One, my Servant, will justify the many, as He will bear their iniquities. and verse 12...  He poured out Himself to death... He Himself bore the sin of many. God was pleased to allow this death... even death on a cross (see phil. 2:7-8!) the death of His Son. for me.

thank You, Lord.  the ultimate measure of mercy though it cost His Son's life on a cross. thank You, God, for being pleased to crush Him. and for indescribable and beyond-our-understanding acts of mercy. let me always allllways see You as good. because You are... sooooo very good.

for advent

i hope you've had a nice tuesday (coming back to this a couple mornings later. lol i mean...hope you have a nice thursday! :) ). it is rare that i write in the evening, but it is quiet in our home and perfect for reading and praying and writing and sharing with you... :) (and getting sleepy and finishing the post after restedness and another day of busy-ness. how do you write busy ness? it's not business. lol) soooooo...

i'm at chapter nine and reviewing...God made a promise to solomon and gave a warning. He required solomon's faithfulness, the faithfulness of his family and of israel. chapter 10 records the visit of the queen of sheba and the vastness of his wealth. and then in 11, we read of how solomon's wives "turned his heart away" (v. 3). he worshiped other gods, and God raised up adversaries to his throne.

following solomon's death, his son rehoboam took the throne and foolishly acted according to the counsel of his friends with a heavy hand toward israel.  we read of conflict with jeroboam and then of jeroboam's idolatry.

i need to pause and write just some thoughts about this month and the old testament.  as i speed-write through these books, it is overview and...thoughts here and there that stick out/stand out that the Lord illuminates for me in the summary.  and...it's not ideal bible study. but i feel it has a purpose for this season and this month and for advent.  and...i honestly just need to blog through this commitment to finish the old testament by the end of the year. i need to stay on the bike this month and keep pedaling toward this goal ;) (see "pedaling" 10/22/13)...and as i write now, i feel the Lord is drawing me back to the idea of writing for advent. this will be our theme of overview... first kings through malachi. ;)

ok so in chapter 13, it is recorded that a man of God came to jeroboam with warning. the chapter outlines his prophecy and then his travel back to his home. wish i had time to ponder pray write about what happened to him...a story of carefulness in obedience. another prophecy against the king in chapter 14 from ahijah to his wife...all related to how he had turned israel from the Lord to idol worship. at the same time, rehoboam reigned in judah and was breaking the heart of God in idolatry as well.

remember, this is first kings. kings and chronicles are history annuls outlining the reign of those in place. i recall my college old testament professor assigning memorization of the line of kings--good and bad. so next, abijam ruled in judah. bad.  then, asa. good.  chapter 15, verse 14, "the heart of asa was wholly devoted to the Lord all his days."  then, jehosophat. good. and after jeroboam in israel, nadab and then baasha ruled. both bad. 

i have to pause once again for life. (ya know...kid breakfasts and school and laundry cause tsion is getting in the shower and looking for clean clothes and meetings today and bills to pay and Christmas planning and shopping and ...wow...soooo far removed from israel and judah and good kings and bad kings. but as i reflect, i know God is interested in this one home and this one woman of God as He was in that man of God in chapter 13...wishing i had time to pray and figure out what He was communicating through his life and the record of it...we don't even know his name but God clearly very clearly moved him. hmmm) be blessed as you walk out today. and we'll come back to first kings when i have a quiet moment again. love to you!!!

that He may incline our hearts to Himself

hi friends, and merry Christmas!  let's get right to the bible study. my last post was a response to chapter three in first kings, and i'm going to pick up there.

verse 16 begins solomon's judgment between the two women who were fighting over a baby. each had an infant near the same time and one died. this is the story in which the one claimed the living baby to be hers, and solomon told them that he would "divide the living child in two, giving half to the one and half to the other," and of course, the real mom said "no!"  i believe this story was recorded as an example of solomon's wisdom and of his discernment into the heart of the accused and the accuser and the wounded and the manipulator. he knew the true mother would speak up when it came down to it. blessed discernment. sad sad story. i cringe that this really happened.

chapter four records the officials in solomon's administration and the abundance of his wealth and wisdom which i wrote about last time. :) then, in chapter 5...the beginning of temple-building preparations. solomon ruled during a peaceful time and could take on this task. he made a friendship/alliance with hiram king of tyre, and he commissioned men to begin work gathering stone for the temple. 480 years after the sons of israel came out of egypt, they began to build. chapter 6 records the dimensions of the temple and details of construction and  a promise (verse 12). it took seven years to build the temple. then, in 7, we read about solomon's palace. another thirteen years of building, and it was pretty unreal.  we read of bronze and decorative cherubim and pillars and decorative pomegranates.  (this reminds me of my sister's and cousin's standing joke...one Christmas, i gave them each a fake squash. we call it the "decorative squash," lol. it's sparkly. yeah. sparkly decorative squash. ha.) but, in their culture, the pomegranates were special. and we read of hand-hewn furniture and gold and silver utensils and extravagance. evidence of solomon's great wealth.

the ark is brought into the temple, and chapter 8 records how a cloud filled up the house of the Lord...His presence. solomon prayed  a prayer of dedication. i completely love what he said to the people when he stood (v. 58), "may the Lord our God be with us, as He was with our fathers; may He not leave us or forsake us, that He may incline our hearts to Himself." (italics mine). this verse stuck out to me when i read it months ago (and actually mentioned it in another post more than a year ago). and it still jumps off the page, because it's my desire. i know nothing else can satisfy. unrest and discontent in my spirit is never resolved without  Him. i want my heart to be inclined to Him...when it is, peace dissolves the angst and discontent. my soul rests in Him. 


first kings to be continued and completed soon. bless you...

little child feelings. still writing about this. :)

we left off at solomon's inadequacy and God's response-His enablement and gift (of wisdom and discernment). hmmmm. scott spoke to our students at church last night about letting go of feelings of insecurity and really becoming who God put them on the planet to be. it's this solomon prayer and trust for God to meet him at his need.  back to 3:10- "it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing." He was pleased to give this.

i think every post, i've written, "this is personal." ;) today...again.  can i write this out because i need the therapy of the writing of it?...  so. this is my day.  wake early. (always)...for awhile there, my clock was edging itself toward a greater capacity to stay up with my husband (after spending a year working nights at the hospital)...but my clock is my clock. an internal birdsong.  scott and i are the greatest of extremes...he being the night owl (practically nocturnal) and me...extreme morning. extreme. like between four and five-normal waking.  we literally pass in the night most nights. i am rising when he is settling in and just getting that rapid-eye movement going on. so...with a couple hours usually of quiet (sometimes three or four)...i start my day. i love the quiet of the morning, but lately i am not always quiet in my spirit. i often have preparations to make for the day/lesson planning for school...sometimes dishes from the night before... and i run into the day. i work hard, but i don't always work smart. and soooo very often i walk into the day feeling rushed and overwhelmed and inadequate, and i don't always ask for what i need like solomon did. i often feel like his sentiment...i am but a little child. half the time, i so soak in scott's messages to our students and feel like a teenager again. and again and again. and it's great to be at that teachable and relatable place. but i'm 39. and i need to believe that i have matured to a place of service, and that i am adequate to the tasks He's given me. and to believe that when i have asked for help and for wisdom and for discernment...that He has given it and i am capable in His strength of accomplishing what i am on this planet to do and be.

haha...i love when ideas line themselves up in my brain and it all comes together. thank You, Jesus *sigh* thank You for Your counsel and thoughts in my spirit.  so....one of my bestest friends just had an important interview and when one of the questions asked was about a specific aspect  of the program that she had especially studied and prepared for, in bubbly joy she prayed, "God, you're just showing off! You're showing off right now!!!!" (You want to meet my need and give and give more than how we could have ever imagined!!!!!!) and going back to solomon... chapter four records how glorious his wisdom was: verses 29-34, "now God gave solomon wisdom and very great discernment and breadth of mind, like the sand that is on the seashore.  solomon's wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the sons of the east and all the wisdom of egypt. for he was wiser than all men, than ethan the ezrahite, heman, calcol and darda, the sons of mahol; and his fame was known in all the surrounding nations. he also spoke 3000 proverbs, and his songs were 1005. he spoke of trees, from the cedar that is in lebanon even to the hyssop that grows on the wall; he spoke also of animals and birds and creeping things and fish. men came from all peoples to hear the wisdom of solomon, from all the kings of the earth who had heard of his wisdom." God was showing off when he answered solomon's prayer. solomon just asked to be adequate to the king-task. but God made him greater than allllll the other kings and rulers and gave him wisdom like the sand that is on the seashore.

have you heard the story of george washington carver? (stephanie paraphrase/retelling) scientist. botanist i think and professor. and lover of God. he asked God once (being the thinker and scientist that he was)...how did You make the world? and listening, God's response: that is too great for your brain. you can't comprehend, george. your brain can't take it. so he asked...ok, how did You make man? again, God said: sweet george, you could never understand. it's too great for you. i'm so sorry.  so, in this quiet questioning, george in slight frustration paused and waited and then asked...ok, well can you just tell me something about a peanut????!! and...for. the. next. 48. hours. george washington carver did not eat or sleep (if i have the story right)...but found one use after another for the peanut. God was showing off. 

to say something about God that i think...that i think i perceive...that may be an idea but something that i can't always chapter and verse from the bible, i am carrreeeeful.  but this...i think i know about God. when. we. ask. He wants to answer and He wants to show off...to show our wondering little brains more of who He is and what He can do.  (like in the movie, rise of the guardians, when jack frost gets soooo excited that the kid can see him and clues in to allll the things that he can do.)

God didn't just give solomon what he needed to rule his people. He gave and gave and gave more. more than solomon asked. 

what am i waiting for? these daily feelings familiar feelings of inadequacy and of feeling like a little child. it's 7:00 a.m. on the nose, and still quiet and as i post this, i will steady these thoughts of i'm not equal to the tasks of this day. and pray. and ask. and wait and how can i contain the flooding of His answer and His adequacy in my weakness and His showing off in my little home and in my little world?

my God is faithful. and... in honor of this and of george, i'm going to go make peanut butter toast. ;)

i am but a little child

--this is personal--
in first kings three, solomon is in this place.  he. feels. inadequate.  v. 7 "now, o Lord my God, You have made Your servant king in place of my father david, yet i am but a little child; i do not know how to go out or come in."

yet.

at this child-place, God gave solomon what. he. needed.

he didn't know how to rule a people "too many to be numbered or counted." he asked for an understanding heart and for discernment.

we always talk about solomon's wisdom. i like seeing this a bit closer. he was granted specifically wisdom and discernment. v. 10 "it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing...God said to him, '...i have given you a wise and discerning heart.'" this is what he needed to rule and to govern. this is exactly what solomon needed.

i feel at the place of child-need.  what am i always telling my children?

***i am so glad i sat down to write today. i am wrecked. and He is close and He is growing me up.***

when my children are in need, their first impulse?!! not even necessary for me to type it out, is it?...*panic!!* tears. and the whine voice that i've caught myself doing crazy impulsive things to silence.  *but He is so patient. soooo patient. He never slaps His hand over my mouth or (like when they were little) a paci between my lips.* Jesus, thank. You. i want to silence the whining and the tears that echo like background noise screaming: "things aren't ok. resolve this conflict, mom. mom. mom!!!! i need you, mom!" and i see the need. i see the conflict, and i correct. correct. correct. because it is justice. (and i'm a bit like solomon who judged between...and advocated justice.)  but i always always tell them if they have a need to ask. nicely. stephanie every. day. mom words: "i will not respond to whining. please ask. me. nicely."  

the whining is impulsive and unrestful and full of panic and fearful and discontented. and i am coming to the end of a week of it in my spirit. oh Jesus, forgive me. i have been impulsive and unrestful and full of panic and fearful and discontented. unchecked. wait, no. this is Jesus speaking and journaling through me and checking me as i type.  

and. He will give what. i. need. in my inadequacy. as a mom. as a teacher. as a bill-payer and wife and maid. because i'm pretty sure it's "pleasing in the sight of the Lord" when i ask nicely...

oh Jesus, thank You for checking my whining. and for assurance in my spirit that You lovvvve to meet my need and You want me to ask nicely (not because of impatience/You're not like me)...but because You want me to crawl up in Your lap and. ask. i love Your giving heart to me, Abba (Daddy).

in italics (first kings and david's intentionality)

--personal thoughts--

back to the simple template. this won't make sense if you didn't catch my last-posted post, but...this is like me in my closet in the morning. trying something on for a bit to see if it works. :) i did like the other look for a couple days, but back to the first outfit...;) my favorite jeans or skirt always win by default.

how are you today? happens to be a tuesday and morning at present and quiet here. i'm up a little bit late because the horizontal prayer-waking was hard to pull myself away from this time. do you wake up like that? i feel like a blank piece of paper at first...with my four year old standing over and a big thick marker poised. or an empty bucket flooding in with fire hydrant water hose pressure. the thoughts and concerns come quickly when i remember them all at once. but Jesus is close.

--old testament--

so we're still here at the beginning of first kings, and i'm thinking about david's charge to solomon. that's what my version calls it in the heading. "david's charge to solomon." and accurately so; verse three says "keep the charge of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies, according to what is written in the Law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn"...(italics mine). italics mine. 

i use italics a lot in this blog and all the time. cause sometimes all caps looks in your face but i want to emphasize. putting something in italics draws attention...and that's what david is doing here!!!!!! i must note, he was soooo excited to get to see solomon on his throne. 1:48 says, "the king has also said thus, 'blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who has granted one to sit on my throne today while my own eyes see it.'" and he had to emphasize to solomon what was absolute and most important in this charge. and that was keeping the Lord's way. walking before God "in truth with all their heart and with all their soul...." (v. 4). david was intentional. he was putting this in italics for solomon.

and my take away is this intentionality and the teaching, charging spirit of the old blessed king.  it was of vital importance to him in his aging and soon after, dying, that his son be charged with following the heart of God. passing this along to his sons and hoping-dying with hope-that his sons' sons would follow the heart of God was his intentional charge. (i like that word.) 

i want to be like david. to put things in italics for my sons (and my daughter, and my students at school, and my nieces and nephew and the kids in my neighborhood and scott's students at church and anyone ever who may read things that i write.) i love david's intentional and teaching and charging spirit to pass on his passion for following after the heart of God.

--trying this--

and... i recorded some thoughts a couple mornings ago and have had reservations...lol. i was going to show scott but didn't get a chance for him to watch all 4 minutes...at first glance his comment, "you look sad. :/"  so... i have been hesitant. i want to start a video blog, but this first try was super early in the morning and i was talking quietly cause everyone was asleep and apparently i look sad. lol. but this thought about being intentional is ringing in my head, and i can't seem to shake the sense of urgency to share in every way that i can who Jesus is and the hope of walking in His ways as david italicized for solomon. anyway, here is my first blog if i can get it posted:  

i love you, friends. i charge you ;) : let's be intentional as we share our hope. i love you!!!!!!!!!!

reposting this. :) posted a couple days ago but took it off cause... i do look sad :///... my melancholy came out a bit i think. :)  but, with the disclaimer maybe the thoughts behind the message will come through regardless of my "sad."  :):) :)  love to you!

first kings. intro to chapter one and worry praying.

--personal thoughts--
i found a new template. what do ya think? little softer on the eyes and love the bookshelf and the colors...love the books (pretending they're all my favorites.) :) (coming back to this a few days later and that doesn't make sense ...actually changed it back to simple cause yeah...this is sooo like me and my living room wall color/me in my closet. fun to try it on though...:)............).

it is 5:19 a.m. and i have been piddling around (trying to figure out why i'm awake. wide open in the center of the night...eyes wide opened to see. asking for God to speak to my heart.) since... oh about 3:30/3:40. i think the first i looked at my phone clock was 2:52. well...i went to bed at 9 and this body isn't used to more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep. that, and this constant sense of urgency to pray. worry pray. but that's an oxymoron i think. am i praying or worrying?

am i missing something? 

Jesus!! (italicized. capitalized with exclamation points. prayed. not taken in vain... Jesus.) i need You.

at the end of the worry prayer, He takes His thinline sharpie and cleanly crosses through the worry part. and He writes above and in the margin: heard. 
               got it.
                                     effective.
                   sustaining.
                                                             your prayers matter, steph.

stephie... I have affection for you and I hear you and I know you and I know the need. I'm interested and involved and already working and your waiting is temporary. a breath and there will be resolution. and the pain is only for a night. and joy is in the morning. yeah, stephie, sometimes early morning. ;)... i am in the quiet of your house. (i hear Him call me stephie).

--old testament--------------
"David in Old Age"  ...the heading at the beginning of first kings one. his health was failing, and he couldn't keep warm.  they brought him a wife to hold but he "did not cohabit with her." and...it had to be brought to his attention in a really clear jolt that one of his sons was trying to take the throne though he'd promised it to solomon.

for today, i just want to see confirmed an idea that the Lord is speaking in this quiet dark...just one thought.

i have lived in fear that i will miss something. what if i'm not quiet enough in my heart to pray the way my loved peeps need me to...what if they go through stuff that could've been avoided had their mom been more consistent? if her sister had been more consistent. (all she has left cause our mom and dad are in heaven already.) what if i miss something?

i want to be assured of this one thing. if my heart desires the closeness of my Savior Jesus, and it fully compleeeeeetely unreservedly trusts His perfect hand to order...then He will act and move in response to even the simplest most brief quiet whisper prayer. HE HEARS. and He will move others and circumstances and He will awaken hearts and will convict and comfort and cover with grace. and He will not allow satan to win where we have hope-prayed for victory.

He moved nathan and bathsheba and king david to right the wrong of adonijah's err. david did not miss it. he didn't miss it in his old age. in his frailty and weakness, he didn't miss it.  God didn't let him goof this next king thing up. He moved people and circumstances to accomplish what was right even when david was too old to reign with awareness or discernment...God moved. and solomon became king. and he let david see...live to see...that He is at work and interested and in control. and He granted david sound-mindedness to charge solomon in an anointing speech (for next post).

thank You for this thought in the quiet dark. i love You. Jesus.

pedaling

hi, friends! i am getting back on the bike today (see last post). i've missed this so much...mostly because i haven't been in the Word as much the last few months.

i am a bread-lover. in fact...toast sounds good right now. be right back....

so imagine me in my closet (oh ha...i have a little sitting/praying spot in here. i promise i'm not hiding from the kids. lol they're not even up yet!)...with my ipad and my wheat toast with butter and jelly...thinking of you. and so....bread is often the food symbolic of general body-nourishment. and this tastes good. (are you hungry?) yeah, i awoke with a slightly upset digestive system and just a little something helps so much. the toast and my white grape juice. sounds like communion. and well...

i need this. i need this bread and juice right now. and i need His Word. not just to add those extra carbs (like the side of crackers with soup or the appetizer roll at a restaurant) but to nourish.

so thank you so much for your patience with me.

i left off in the old testament and will pick up with first kings. i hope to complete the old testament this year by the end of december and blog through the new testament in 2014 (a definite re-plan as i have gone back to 2012 and those first few posts as we started this bike ride. i'm learning what the commitment to this looks like and have prayed about 2014...and this is my hope-plan to pedal through.)

thank you soooooo much for reading and sharing in this extended journey with me. it's become about getting back up when i've fallen off the bike and learning balance and endurance and adjusting to the ride and...just pedaling. (let's do this!)

(note to my friend, denise/a consistent encouragement to me those first several months of blogging!: as i just finished writing this, i thought of you and your new and wonderful passion for biking and made the connection. thank you for encouraging and inspiring, and i am praying for you this morning as i imagine the long treks you've made on your bike! huge love...and a big hug, dear friend!)

quick note on first and second kings and a little boy on a bike.

--personal thoughts--
can anyone relate to a natural tendency toward perfectionism? it is sometimes very hard for me to laugh at myself or give any grace when it comes to my expectations of my time and commitments. so looking at the last few posts, i waiver between great frustration and an internal nudge to let it go.  i just read my closing words from three weeks ago that i would cover second samuel, kings, and chronicles in like a weekend (three wknds ago) and rather than taking three days to cover these five books, it took three weeks to cover one of them! but i just have to stop here and wait...i just want to keep reading and writing and praying that God will use this.

a few years ago, my oldest two boys were riding their bikes. we have a little dirt road near our house that we follow home from the playground (at a church nearby) that they were riding uphill.  i was following behind in my car watching the boys ride and noticing the perseverance of the younger of the two, sweet salem.  he was still kind of learning to ride and uphill was a challenge.  in the short distance, salem fell off his bike numerous times and i seem to recall offering to put his bike in the car and giving him a ride just to the top of the hill (but he refused the offer :) ). so...he literally fell off, got back on, pedaled like one rotation, fell. got back on, forced the pedals around, lost his balance and fell...got back on, pedaled furiously once or twice and fell again. but he kept getting on the bike. and he kept trying to ride. and even though he kept falling off, he persevered.  and when he got to the top of the hill, i think i almost cried...it was such a beautiful thing to see him glide around the corner and into our driveway.

i've seen this picture in my mind so many times as a visual of the many falls and getting-back-on-the-bike-times that we've experienced over the last few years. but i just thought of it this morning in regard to asireadthebible.blogspot.  for more than a year, i've seemed to kind of fall off and get back on a lot of lot of times.  and i'm not sure when if ever i'll get to the place where it feels like coasting. but i know that i know that i'm not supposed to give up.

--old testament understanding--
i just have a few minutes left this morning, but will share this:

from first kings 8:57-58, "may the Lord our God be with us, as He was with our fathers; may He not leave us or forsake us, that He may incline our hearts to Himself, to walk in all His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His ordinances, which He commanded our fathers" (italics mine).

He desires our hearts' inclination. can't wait to read and blog more about His desires for the israelites and for us....

i just wanna hug my bible to my chest and kiss the pages: the rest of second samuel.

--personal thoughts--
two posts on one chapter (last two blogs) and today (well, the work of a handful of days off and on) one post on the other 23 chapters of second samuel. it is what it is. ;)...and God is teaching me and moving me. ;)  i really awoke with such an enormous sense of His presence in this home. it's almost as if i was drawn and pulled toward my bible and this computer.  of course, i always take a sec to check in on facebook and was moved by requests for prayer. moved to the core again. so many, many pleading for the physical health of their loved ones and my heart is on fire for each. Jesus, Healer, move in power and use these precious precious ones to open hearts to You.

you should see my torn worn notebook. i thought about posting a pic but then i'd have to stop what i'm doing and find the phonetocomputer cord. ;) i have just about a sentence on each chapter of second samuel...well, take that back...more like multiple short phrases.  (what are complete sentences?)....  so, i'm gonna try to tie it all together with thoughts that make sense. :)

oh and i need to say something about my attempt to blog daily. i am working on this but haven't quite brought drafts to ready-to-post quite that consistently (well, coming back to this...it sounds like kind of an understatement as this post follows the last after two entire weeks. i'm sooo sorry!)  i'm working on this. thank you so much for your patience.  so i just scrolled back to january to see the list of sweet friends that "liked" or commented that they would like to study and read with me (and i know you may have simply "liked" to encourage me. thank you. i know many of you have other studies and commitments but thank you so much for the encouragement!). and/but so if you are interested in reading with me...for noel and marsha and kindra and karen and lindsay and daryn and crystal and ashley and emily and maybe denise?! and pam who has been so gracious to encourage...i am soooo sorry that it's march and i'm just starting to pull this together.  i kind of reeeeaaallly want to be fluid and laid back with this but if i don't set goals for myself, life interruptions can impede any progress...but then when i miss my goals, i am not dependable.  thank you because i know each and everyone of you understand and have the most forgiving of forgiving hearts...but i want to serve you (as beth moore says...i love her).  this is priority to me, and i love you! so, here we go....

--old testament understanding--
this is packed full! having second thoughts about getting it all into one post. sometimes overview fills your head up so much, though, that it feeds faith.  so in chapter one, david sang and wrote a dirge for saul and jonathan. his worst enemy and best friend...father and son. i was very recently encouraged to attempt songwriting. david is definitely inspiration.  and this song was rich in his recall of two very important people in his life. memorial. (on this note, i highly recommend a book by john trent entitled pictures your heart remembers...a book about healing memory. therapy for the heart that is wounded from loss and brokenness...and hard memories...and loss) and chapter 2 records his anointing as king over judah-as ish-bosheth was made king over israel-his reign very temporary as he was killed (chap 4 records) and david made king over all israel (chap 5). we see in chapter 3, as my bible highlights with section heading "the house of david strengthened," six sons were born to david.  so david was God's chosen shepherd over israel...5:2b, "and the Lord said to you, 'you will shepherd My people israel, and you will be a ruler over israel.'"

oh and now...as we come back around chapter 6, i found in my messy notebook this-in the scribbled margin: david feared God then worshipped. fear of the Lord precedes worship. so both of my previous chap 6 posts were about the dancing and worship but this is soooo important: the first part of chapter 6 records the incident where uzzah lost his life because of his irreverence for the ark.  and david was angry at first and there was pause...and a delay. but we see that "david was afraid of the Lord that day" (6:9).  reverent fear precedes worship.  knowledge of His holiness...i've heard it called other-ness. He is not like us. ****God breathed and spoke and universes came into existence and earth began to orbit the sun.**** isaiah 66:1-2 records, "thus says the Lord, 'heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool. where then is a house you could build for Me? and where is a place that I may rest? for My hand made all these things, thus all these things came into being,' declares the Lord. 'but to this one I will look. to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.'"  we read that uzzah "reached out toward the ark of God and took hold of it, for the oxen nearly upset it." and we may think, well uzzah was trying to steady the ark...i don't understand?... but uzzah (and ahio) "were leading the new cart" (that was holding the ark). but according to God's instructions, the ark was to be carried by poles (exodus 25:12-15). i think uzzah's irreverence began with disobedience to God's instruction. and His instructions made sense...i imagine dirt roads and the oxen pulling and the great possibility of an upset. and so david waited and reverenced God again and then he danced.  if God were not holy-other, there would not be need for reverence or fear or worship. and His discipline toward uzzah and consequence felt by david inspired reverence.  have you felt this personally or experienced it with your children?...discipline calms hearts and stillness follows...and my heart is reverent as i think of this.

so let's keep moving forward...
so in chapter 7, david is planning to build a permanent temple for God and the prophet nathan hears God affirming this and recounting His faithfulness to David.  and..."the Lord helped david wherever he went" (chap 8 records in verses 6 and 14).  and following, it is recorded that david made a place for mephibosheh, jonathan's son, in his home/at his table.   chapter 10 records victory over the ammonites and arameans....

chapters 11 and 12 tell the story of david's sin with bathsheba and the consequence of the death of their child.  maybe in the next reading of second samuel, i will feel moved to give this gravitas circumstance more attention. it is a heart-breaking time and sin hurts so much.  chapter 13 details an account of david's daughter tamar and son amnon and rape.  absalom killed amnon for his sin against tamar. and...sin hurts so much.

chapters 14-18 record the account of absalom and then, ahithophel. 19-20 record more unrest and revolt in david's kingdom. again, maybe more detail may be addressed in next year's reading.... and in chapter 21, we read of famine and david's intimate communication with God to find out why they suffer famine...and He is faithful to answer.  and david rights a wrong that saul had committed concerning the gibeonites.  and my thoughts just center around the justice of the Lord in this account.

i love david's prayer and song in chapter 22. this is psalm 18!!!  and it is worship. and chapter 23 records david's "last song" and details the men who fought with david throughout his reign.  and finally, chapter 24 gives the account of david's sin when he took a census...and he recognized his sin. verse 14 moves my heart, that david trusted the mercy of God regarding the consequence of his sin.  and concluding this final chapter, david's significant confession inspires (regarding the field he purchased from araunah): "i will surely buy it from you for a price, for i will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God which cost me nothing." and God's faithfulness is once again recorded in verse 25 that He was "moved by prayer for the land."

i come away from this book today with enormous appreciation for the intimacy that david shared with the Lord.  a shepherd, he had been chosen as king...and his kingdom had been sustained through his faithfulness to acknowledge and honor and worship God. and in his err...repent. and through the great faithfulness of God.  i'm thankful for even the heart-breaking stories recorded because i can relate to the pain and consequence of sin... and i am inspired to the core by david's faithfulness to repentance in his brokenness and his constant pursuit of God.

thank You so much for Your Word this morning, Lord, and for Your faithfulness to king david. You are always always good.

i have to share a song with you that comes to mind as i pray and post this...i am reflecting on david's brokenness and yet his trust in God's love though he fell so many times...he knew that God was for him. i believe that God is always for us. and He wants us to run to Him and to draw near as we trust His love. here is the song...speaking of the faithfulness of God...so faithful. so loving and so true. so patient. so gracious. david knew this. even in his weakness. and he sang to Him. ***"You will never forsake me in my weakness"*** this sounds like a psalm of david! be blessed, friends: (click) kari jobe. you are for me.

second samuel. more on chapter 6 and david's worship.

--personal thoughts--
i've been pensive and actually at times overwhelmed with thoughts concerning life changes that i see in the near future.  God is at work in our community. in our church. in our culture. in our country and all over this planet.  and...i just want to see Him.  and to help others see Him. and i am completely sure completely convinced that God wants me to use my time and my days and to put myself out there to be a part of what He is doing. but...

i have had insecurities...hindrances...having confidence in what i am called to do.  i know i am supposed to write and teach and do artistic and musical things...this is who He made me to be and do. and i have this compassion for hurting people that took me to the hospital for a year...and i'm questioning what to do with the compassion and how to serve.  all of these things may enable me to be a part of what God is doing! but...there's some insecurity that i need to get past. and it's not fear that i won't do well but that i will stand out too much or be up in front too much.

i shared yesterday with the moms and students at my kids' school (our homeschool-school ;)...where we  learn together with other families as we are studying the same curriculum). it was our family's turn to share how we "know God and make Him known."  so...i shared about youth ministry and briefly about taking teenagers and college students to children's homes to share Christ.  and i was transparent as i shared this insecurity that i'm feeling about using my gifts.  i really wanted to minister to the moms somehow and their kids and to bless all of them, but i'm sure i was more encouraged throughout the day than they were in the morning...with words of edification and love. and encouragement to be who God made me to be.

and now looking back at my notes and some written prayer and journaling from the last week, i had written, "i have been hindered by insecurities and fear of standing out if i really start working and serving with my gifts/talents. these are given to me by God and i am blessed. i was getting ready to write about this-even this morning-when i read the lesson for today about being God's worker. enabled by the Holy Spirit. (from beth moore's tabernacle study).  thank You so very much for speaking to me and increasing my faith."

so i'm thankful for the evidence that He is interested and moving me/my heart...but i need to deal with the fear. my fear is that i will stand out.  and God is speaking now to my heart. and this is where david king david comes in again.  this did not concern him.  he was so intensely caught up in worship that he dis-adorned (probably not a word ;) ) his royal robes and danced.  i need to let it go. "dis-adorn" the fear...let it fall off.  as i've thought of this, it's even occurred to me that insecurity keeps me focused on me. what i am to do/how i am to be...too much thinking and pondering on this keeps me focused on me.

so i will let it fall off like david's robe and dance (well my version of dance...more like write and sing and teach)....

Jesus, thank You for freedom from insecurity.

second samuel.

--personal thoughts--
oh i love you so much, friends who are studying with me. just wanting to be transparent (always) and real and tell you of my day/weekend. so i sit here on my bed...imaginary toothpicks holding my eyes open. just slid the silence alarm button off cause i needed a quick nap before getting on here to write. (i used to always do this on assignments-due-night/sundays/brings back not-to-far-away memories of online classes)  the weekend was full-very full-and i am a bit whipped.  but i soooo want to stay committed to this and to keep my word and to follow through.

--old testament understanding--
so it's very near midnight and tomorrow is early but want to start some thoughts on second samuel and complete blogging this wonderful book tomorrow.  so i will focus on david and dancing and the michal incident for the evening. chapter 6...i'm sure you've heard the old worship song "i'll become even more undignified than this...." referring to the david-dancing....  he is completely and obliviously unconcerned with her (michal-his wife's) care of the supposed critics watching him dance.  "'it was before the Lord...i will celebrate before the Lord." and in NASB, "i will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes...." (italics mine). michal was david's wife and "had no child to the day of her death" which was disgrace to her.  her pride cost her til the "day of her death." and david's humility shines brightly.

ohhhh i want to be conscious of Jesus. conscious of worship before Him without people-observing concerns.  without people-observing concerns.  this was david and why he was chosen as king.  he saw God. and reverenced Him. and reverenced the ark-His treasure. and danced before Him with abandon.

i want to love like this and to be prideless.  pride wounds and hurts and leads to sometimes lifelong consequence as with michal.  her pride and foolish tongue cost her.  and the white and black...light and dark...humility and pride contrast between david and michal is vivid.  

lots more tomorrow...in this worship-humility, i want to be like david.

you are loved.

just another very brief pause

friends, i am out of town for a couple days and forgot my notes to blog! so i will start on second samuel tomorrow! you are loved!

first daily post! :) old testament thoughts.

--personal thoughts--
oh wow...coming back to notes, this is a challenge.  (and i am soooo sorry for delay...was hoping to get to this by early february and to those who had committed to read and study with me, i am so sorry! i am reading and writing not just for me but for you and i'm sooo sorry for the delay.) soooo...here we go. :)  though challenging, this is exciting!!! so i will be giving an overview of much of the old testament and will attempt to tie things up from last year's reading.  (not to rush through...but i guess, keyword: overview...for this year.) i've been kind of thinking about this like television seasons kind of...because i'll be reading through again and again. (repetition is good and i am teachable...! telling myself....in a very good way)  next season...each season can be different/some more thorough and what not.  ;)  so...i'm going to try to write daily. yes. daily. i need to commit myself to this so it will happen.  and beginning today (picking up some thoughts from the draft written several weeks ago):


for these books (second samuel. kings. chronicles. etc.)...i will be brief.  highlights are the epic king david and the wise solomon and the dwelling place of God on this planet for a season: the temple (scott is getting ready to teach the youth at our church about the tabernacle. i'm excited.)....  hard lessons from the israelites' wavering between God and gods (satan)...and...the faithfulness of the Lord.  i am reading the old testament with expectation and hope in an everlasting and never-failing Creator....

--old testament understanding--
let me start with a prayer. sweet sweet Father...please breathe life-living thoughts into our hearts as we read. move me to write, Jesus.

so, i am going to just quote the opening/the intro to a series of children's videos called the angel wars.
"in the beginning there was One. a great Maker-King who called forth all that was. the first of the Maker-King's creations was the glorious race of angels with none so bright as the Daystar. but the crown of His creation was earth where lived a race of mortal beings so like the King that it maddened the Daystar. drawing to his side a legion of angels, the rebel fought to overthrow the kingdom of heaven. his rebellion squashed by the righteous guardians, the rebel fled to earth where he found his opportunity for revenge. from that day to this, a war has raged for the hearts of mortals. one side bent on destruction. the other, redemption. these are the angel wars." (here is the video. very cool. http://youtu.be/6radydZT1Ks.) there is an epic battle that is so eternally significant. we know Christ has ultimately won the war, but first peter 5:8 says, "be of sober spirit, be on the alert. your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. but resist him, firm in your faith...."

the presence of evil in our culture and the battle for our minds and hearts has been so very evident to me lately.  and this presence has existed from the beginning...for all these generations. understanding and awareness open our hearts and thoughts toward alertness, though, and can encourage affection for Jesus, our Rescue.  sooo, as we read the israelites' story and understand God's laws for them and His heart for them and His connection with them, we see His character and goodness.  He was always faithful and is faithful.

to be continued as we look at second samuel later today. kings on saturday. chronicles on sunday.  i hope your weekend is wonderful, friends!

"do not be afraid."

a awoke with a jolt this morning.  our bedroom wall is about 7 feet from the trunk of an enormous oak tree and its large branches are overhead. often on windy nights and mornings, the acorns dropping on the roof provide cadence to other sounds of the house and road beside. this morning, something loud landed on the roof (a fallen branch? or any random thud that God intentioned to wake me with).  i am confident that this awakening was not accidental because immediately, in my mind's eye, i had a glimpse of something i read yesterday and the imagery and His voice with it...and it was early and i've learned in recent years to rest in early morning sleep rather than running into the day...but i just couldn't allow myself to drift back because of the picture in my head.

it was JESUS.  and He was saying and rereading His Words in my mind and thought from revelation 1:17:  "do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and i have the keys of death and of hades."  

when i walked into the living room to sit down with bible and computer, i had my phone in hand so that i could silence the alarm when it would ring and just glanced at it to check the time. the screen that popped up was from the app store. random. i know i was the last person with my phone last night and am confident this was not my last activity. and i don't remember the words on the screen but only images of death and then another... a game with a sort of evolving dragon. NOT a game that would have normally been listed under the "kid learning" search, the last in my search field.

i am posed this morning and listening in quiet. He is confronting my fear.

i have known from my youth of the spiritual battles raging around me.  i have known first peter 5:8 ...with keen awareness that satan has every intention of...without relent...going after me and my husband and my home and my children. and i have thought that everything that is dear and precious is game to him.  and in this day and in this culture, i perceive his craft in introducing vices and evil when we're not even paying attention. when our guard is down.  and when we are not even curious or  looking for it.

so this image of Jesus as victorious is blowing my mind this morning.  and it has these years. but today it is vivid and real and significant to allay fear.  He has the keys of death and of hades!  He confronted death...and is "alive forevermore"!!!!!!!!!!!!   and He speaks in revelation (words in red)...to john and to us and it says, He placed His right hand on john...with the comfort of "do not be afraid."  He spoke, "do not be afraid."  and the rest is comfort.  the words of revelation: comfort.  "do not be afraid" (rev. 1:17).

i imagine this morning as my house is waking up (little peeps waking and needing)...as i walk with them and live life with them and try to figure out how to parent them and to keep them from evil...i think...that Jesus has confronted death and evil and hell and that He has already won.  and He is concerned about my fear.  and in the opening chapter of revelation, He speaks comfort and asserts His victory over death and in His declaration, the declaration of WHO HE IS...the "first and the last, and the living One...." i know He is mine. my Protector and the Protector of my children.  and i hear Him as He spoke to john and to me in this... "do not be afraid."

january 25.

hi, friends! i'm ready to post a plan! thank you sooo much for your interest and for reading. ;) i love you!

i will be finishing up the new testament in my reading this weekend and writing about revelation into next week.  scott did a short series in the fall on revelation, and i want to kind of summarize his study and thoughts he shared with the youth at our church before picking up with blogging here.

so...the first week of february, i would like to pick up where i left off last year.  looking back, my last draft (not yet posted) was on second samuel. kings and chronicles. so, i will pick up there.  i'm excited about blogging through psalms and then through the prophets (i had skipped to the NT following song of solomon in the late fall with plan to come back to these books with more time to study :) ).  so, the 2012 plan has morphed into a two-year deal, but i am excited!

if you are wanting to start a bible study in genesis, please please feel free to go back to the posts starting last january and peruse these as you come to them.  if you are just seeing this for the first time, i want to share just a quick word of explanation...

it helps me to write.  somehow, thoughts and ideas process themselves in me as i write them down, and this is how i started blogging.  i have studied the bible using texts and lectures through liberty university's online seminary and completed a program of study in december...but it feels like i'm still just getting started...! so...i'm sharing here with the hope that God will help us each to know Him more through His Word.

please please feel free to post thoughts in response. i'm sooooo interested in how God is speaking to you as you study as well.  you are loved!

soli Deo gloria.

2012. 2013....!!

first words here in more than a couple months, i'm not sure how to start exactly.  except as i've spoken with some of you, my heart has overflowed encouragement....

2012 ended so quickly! where did it go?!!  i got fairly close to completion, friends. but ended the year with unturned pages.  but thank you thank you thank you, friends (those i've spoken with) for your transparency and willingness to share the same.  so i'm pondering a reading plan for this year. i definitely don't want to start over yet because there's so much left unwrittenabout ;) from last year.  but i wanted to put a note in here that this is one of the funnest (not a word ;) ) things i've ever done and want to write on and on and on forever....

so...before i decide on a plan, i want to share with you a sermon that my pastor preached just prior to the new year. www.firstwesleyan.org um...go to media then video or audio sermon on i think 12/30/12? entitled devotional guilt. it's just a little more than 30 min but sooo worth your time if you've ever struggled with feeling overwhelmed then discouraged because of un-kept commitments concerning bible study.  i am on the same page as pastor rick when it comes to steering far far away from legalism when it comes to spiritual practices. i just want to know Jesus more. and more and more.

sooooo i'm going to give this a few days and do some more reading, and then determine where to start and what to write. ;)

i will be back soooooon. ;)

oh...i have to share this.  a sweet sweet friend gave a monetary gift to our children and...we decided with them to buy them each small bibles with the unexpected extra Christmas blessing. so... a day or two ago, i found my four-yr-old sitting on the couch pretending to read his bible and these words were his pretend readings (his four-yr-old theology!), simple but sooooo innocent and wonderful: "you. are. my friend." (pointer finger pretend-following the written words). "I love you.... you...are my friend."  ahhhhhhh. i want to read His Word like this. this child-faith. with this heart.

can't wait to start blogging again, friends! you are loved!!!