matthew chapter 8.

He...healed all who were ill. matthew 8:16.

and He stilled the wind and the waves. 

He cast out demons. they stopped tormenting because Jesus ordered them to stop. He sent them to the pigs.

and men followed Him. they were in awe of Him. 

i am in love this morning with the character of the Son of God who had compassion on the sick and tormented and on men whose understanding was limited and faith small. 

my neck has been bothering me quite a bit for several months. off and on. not an every moment of the day thing, but just sometimes i notice it's pretty much consistently sore...felt if i move my head too far back or too far forward at all...or huh...too far to the left or right. or at all. (jk...it's not that bad.) so i have been thinking it has to do with push-mowing our yard all these years. last year we had to switch to a riding mower because my neck and upper back were realllly hurting following mowing days.  but. i haven't pushed the mower in weeks and only use it on occasion and my neck is still stiff. i think it's stress and anxiety and i think this is related to pride. i know...what? what do you mean, steph? 

scott and some friends of ours have been studying the bible together and reading and sharing thoughts about this guide we've chosen to use that kind of helps to walk you through areas of life that you may need emotional/spiritual healing. 

Jesus heals (like He did in matthew 8). still.

and the other night, we came to a section on pride. we really looked at this issue and the guide kind of listed some things that fed pride. including things like leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather than seeking God's guidance through prayer and His Word. and like being overwhelmed with life (related to relying on myself and my ability to manage the crazy my life feels sometimes) and not trusting the Lord. and things like feeling defensive. and i've been thinking about the stress my neck feels...looking for relief and... 

Jesus heals physically and emotionally and spiritually. 

He showed me pride that is stiff-necked and trusts in herself and doesn't remember to take deep breaths and surrender control of her life to the One who has everything under control. deut. 10:16b, "stiffen your neck no longer."

thank You for healing me through Your Word and pride surrendered and repentance and trust in the One who heals.

matthew quotes isaiah in verse 17, "He Himself took our infirmities and carried away our diseases."

He. still. does. 

the leper and Jesus

leprosy takes limbs and eats skin and touching a leper risks contagion. my last post was thoughtful about Jesus' sitting down to counsel and instruct and reach the many on the mountain in matthew 5-7. chapter eight opens with His kind touch. verse three says Jesus touched the leper who came to Him. "and immediately his leprosy was cleansed."

right now in our culture...in the news...we are hearing lots daily about a virus that can kill. hospitals are training workers to levels of protective wear caution with crazy intensity. just makes me think of Jesus' touch as all the more real and full of compassion and...without gloves or gown or precautions. of course He knew He was not risking his skin, but what He also knew...this guy hadn't been touched in likely years. His hand-on-hand or hand-on-arm expression of it is ok. this pain is over. I am overjoyed to end it ...and not afraid to touch you.

think of His hand and His compassion in your struggle today, friend. the leper came to Him. he approached Jesus courageously, and this real life story says Jesus' response was healing. believe He has compassion toward you today. james says (4:8a), "draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." 

approach Him in your brokenness and know He has compassion over you, friend. He is near. phil. 4:5b.

and...He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. psalm 147:3.

matthew 5-7 and Jesus' kind words to help

a spring and summer later...i am back to read and write. greetings, orange blogspot icon. orange for fall and falling leaves. though later this week, it will be warm enough to swim a few more times. i started reading and writing about matthew way back at the beginning of the year. so...picking up where we left off: at the sermon on the mount and blessing and Jesus' kind words to help.

"when Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain; and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him. He opened His mouth and began to teach them..." (5:1-2). He saw the lots of people and He purposefully planted Himself in front of them up high so He could be seen and heard, and He blessed them first with thoughts about how to live blessed.

the poor in spirit
those who mourn
the gentle
those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
the merciful
the pure in heart
the peacemakers
those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness

theirs is the kingdom of heaven
are comforted
shall inherit the earth
shall be satisfied
shall receive mercy
shall see God
shall be called sons of God
theirs is the kingdom of heaven

looking over these eleven verses stills my heart. i feel quiet...and wish i could've physically been there. i used to spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not i would've gravitated toward Jesus and been one of the many in the crowds that came around Him. i don't think about what would i have been like if i'd been there so much any more. i think i feel like i've run out of time for hypotheticals. (and sometimes i get in this flow of thought of questioning myself and waste precious time angsting about my inadequacies and miss out on the truth of what i'm reading/distracted with me. yeah so i reject that and look at Jesus and His perfect. His perfectness. and truth and His life and His words.) ...but/so...i can imagine and think about what it was like to see how He responded to the crowds. i love here how He went uppppp so everyone could see and hear. and i love how He sat down. a rested posture...sitting to tell them some things to hold on to...to wrap their minds and hearts around. i see the red letters here...these three chapters as kind life-living guidance and help mostly for pride-dispelling. pride puffs up and riles up and agitates and frustrates and is unrestful. i see Him sitting and saying, let pride go and just be and live and do what is right because that gives life. i love that an outline prayer is part of His talk (6:9-13). i use it most days...thinking about what He said to remember to pray about when you pray.

writing this morning to start a morning writing habit again. thank you soooo much for reading, friends. i love this and i need His word. journaling helps me think/i've said-written this so many times...but it's just as easy to share it and then, someone who reads maybe could be blessed too...Jesus, let us read your words with openness and trust...even small trust at first for those new to the bible. help pride fall off and quiet our hearts. 

this day is Yours, Jesus and this blog. thank You for Your kind words.

an hour of scrolling

i got a little stuck when i got to the sermon on the mount in matthew five. today, just posting something very random.

sometimes i am so drawn to facebook and friends on there and what interests them. things they post. people interest me, and i study it all. today, i spent my first awake hour scrolling. and am writing now to blah out thoughts about that hour. that is still opening my eyes...

my heart burns. and i pray that any tiny (or big) way that my conscience is dulled that it would come alive again. praying this as i type.

first thing i read was someone saying that actions speak louder than words. and i thought of something yesterday that i did that i regret. (thank You, God, for answering my prayer. an alive conscience will saaavvve me and the people around me from myself.)

then, i watched a posted video about reported trumpet sounds in the sky. definitely made me think. i mean i know that in the crazy quantity of videos out there, any youtube posted cropped and edited and voiced-over video could make anything appear like anything but it still made me think about what the bible says about Jesus' return.

then, i watched another video of something someone saw in a cloud. it was this thing moving mid-air for like 40 seconds that then kind of burst into light or exploded and fell to the ground. the videographers were yelling and in not-english :) saying what. was. that?!

then. i read an article about what christians shouldn't say. it was talking about how we refer to material comforts as blessings. on the way from the writer's intent to my reception of it was my conviction again. and many thoughts about how i spend money and how i indulge sometimes and i am convicted. he ended with a kind of idea about a better way to refer to our "blessings"...just gratitude. i don't think he meant to make anyone feel like they shouldn't say they are blessed ever...and my thought is kind of this verse that comes to mind always about how every good and perfect gift is from above...saying it is blessing tells that to people...but we don't always think about those who don't stand in the blessings that we know or why or how they feel.... my takeaway: simple gratefulness and fewer words about it all. soli Deo gloria is a phrase i learned some years ago that means glory to God alone. (for everything. everything in my life. present or hoped for. or evident because i exist.) we have what we have because of blessing, yes. but if someone doesn't have what we have, they also know blessing. i kind of think that things may bring a measure of happy but real blessing is soooo very much more. blessing is Jesus and the cross and the possibility of knowing Him and that is for every breathing soul.

these are random thoughts.

then i saw a weather prediction of a winter storm with a pic that pretty much covered a good part of the right half of the united states in red (early march). hmmm :)

then. i closed fb and opened youversion and read a little. :) i am thinking about Jesus' return. the trumpet and the light in the sky and then in my head/the parable of the bridesmaids ready with their lamps and am i? and about what i think about the life that i live. about things and the food in the kitchen that people in third worlds will never taste. and i read about who Jesus called blessed in the sermon on the mount. the poor in spirit. those who mourn now (they will laugh). the persecuted.

praying now that as i walk into the day i will be quiet enough to keep hearing what He is saying to my heart. #gratefulforHisvoicealwaysallthetime #soliDeogloria

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coming back to this after taking hope to school... i really think about the many different and varied people that could potentially ever read things i post and when i sent this to fb a few minutes ago, i wrote, "not sure what i write is always relatable" or something like that. and i'm thinking that now. i feel i can sometimes sound churchy or a bit she-thinks-too-much quirky. maybe acknowledging that helps the person reading whose mind is full and has trouble feeling peace ever. it does really help to let yourself be quiet and ask God to say in your head how He sees things. ;) not always completely certain my own thoughts aren't louder but always always come away with more peace and less anxiety. happy wednesday, friends.

on temptation and our response. matthew 4.

i came back with thoughts at the end of this post, so if you've already read it, you could skip to that. ;)
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Jesus went in the wilderness and was tempted by the devil. luke records this too and in both accounts, i'm looking for explanation. in luke it says He was "led around by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days being tempted by the devil" (4:2). every time i've ever heard anyone talk or preach about this, they've said it was so He could understand what we endure. what mankind endures when tempted. i don't know. i'm rethinking this. i'm not sure. james 1:13 says "let no one say when he is tempted, 'i am being tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted  by evil and He Himself does not tempt anyone. but each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust."

it seems to me that the devil plays on our "own lust." and Jesus didn't/doesn't have any.

james says "God cannot be tempted by evil." and Jesus is God.

when we read the bible, we can't make stuff up about what we think it means or why it happened.

so why did He go in the wilderness? and as luke writes, why was He led there by the Holy Spirit and why was He "being tempted by the devil"? the devil tempted, but He wasn't tempted. what was the point? why was He there? i'm not sure we'll know for sure (all the reasons) til we get to heaven and we can ask specifics like this.

but i do know that there is a teaching point here. and...
maybe it was for this!...for the record of it in matthew and luke. that Jesus spoke the Word of God in response to the devil. in all three of the recorded conversations (who knows how many crazy questions the devil asked). and it silenced him. end of conversation. end of temptation.

i want to be encouraged in my heart and in my days (and for me, mornings) to eat His Word. to breathe it and to know it. because it's my defense and my response to temptation. i don't respond to the inner conflicts and temptations that i endure with His Word in every incidence...but what a perfect reminder this morning to......
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after i wrote this, scott and i talked. he always helps me think through what i think. and he knows a bit more about the bible. theology that he's learned sticks with him. he's so smart and never forgets whats he's already studied and kind of filed away concerning what he believes about the bible. soooo we talked about this idea. about why Christ was "tempted." He was tempted but wasn't tempted. but maybe there is a measure of God in flesh experiencing the seemingly constant barrage of satan that man endures in this life. soooo i wanted to come back and say that...i didn't want to take away the comfort that you feel that He understands. in isaiah 40, it says "His understanding no one can fathom." He knows us and is compassionate toward us. let me leave you with this from psalms 103:8-15 (which speaks of His affection. His lovingkindness toward us. and His response to us when we do fall to temptation. and it speaks of His understanding. He gets that we are like dust. grass. He knows our temporary frame. He knows our weakness, and His lovingkindness is toward those who fear Him...who look to Him as sovereign...as the One who has never fallen to temptation but loves us, though we have.)

the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. for He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust. as for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 

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and one other thought really quick. i'm kind of laughing at myself, because in the blog, it sounds like i'm having a lightbulb moment and that i'm the only one who's ever thought about the responding to temptation with scripture idea. *blush* just wanted to clarify that my intent was definitely to emphasize that reason for Christ's time in the wilderness and the record of it for us and what we can learn (but didn't mean for it to sound like it was a new idea...lol just a good one.)  ;)

so as i edit this post today, it's real to me that Jesus understands me and knows not only what i will endure in this life...every day of my life, but then, how brief it is for me. and He expresses Himself toward me with these comforts and the promise that He will remove my transgression as i look to Him. (because of His understanding and sovereignty, He is my rescue from sin and from satan and from my failures. His forgiveness covers me.) sooooo grateful for the psalm 103 passage and His lovingkindness. what a wonderful wonderful word. toward me. (and toward you, dear friend. <3)

that had to be itchy

i'm in matthew 3. lol. a garment of camel's hair. don't think i've ever even pet a camel but for some reason i imagine its hair being pretty coarse. this was john the baptist's attire in the desert. wet camel's hair...getting in and out of the river like that. and a leather belt. and a diet of locusts and wild honey. wonder if he had the astronaut-like suit to that beekeepers wear?...lol

i wonder what john's personality was like? was he like sam cho? (my admired precious wonderful korean friend who inspires me to pursue Jesus with everrrry breath)...

i wonder how many of those who came to john for baptism sat down with him at the water's edge and wept? was he a good counselor or just a preacher? can you be a good preacher and not be a good listener...understanding the deep need for repentance and the healing and the tears that follow?

i wonder why the pharisees and sadducees came and how they responded to his rebuke? were they really there for repentance? were they broken from their heartless service? any of them? one of them?

and then...


i wonder about Jesus coming to john.

seems like the clouds would have frozen in time when the dove flew through. everything silenced. the birds. the locusts still...when the voice from heaven was heard.

this morning as i read, i'm longing for a little closer look. just wanna step into the pages of the middle east when Jesus walked it. i'm pretty stoked about this spring and reading through the story four times through the gospels. thank you for reading with me!!! <3

moved like joseph. (matthew 2).

--personal thoughts--
i hope you are well today. just opened my computer as i emerge from a three hour prayer and planning session with the Lord. mmmmm....needed that!!!  sooo thankful for His interest and help as i think on bringing my schedule and my home and other important things in order. i have to admit feelings of being overwhelmed as if life is spinning out of control and have not been managing it all very well. filled with gratitude this saturday morning to know that He is interested and All-sufficient in my inadequacy. *sigh*

--new testament!!--
reading in matthew 2 this morning, i am still so blown away by the star and today thinking about how it moved across the sky and "stood over the place where the Child was." (v. 9)  what cool guys the wise men were to leave their homes and travel far and...fall to the ground as they worshiped the Child. men who studied the vastness of the universe. astronomers making the trip of their lifetimes to see what God was illuminating with an intentionally moving star. they remind me of storm chasers. but with such a crazy wonderful purpose. they. got. it. they had studied the prophecies about the Child and they knew why this star was moving and then standing still. can't wait to meet them in heaven. wonder if they really wore those tall crown-looking hats and bright robes? ;)

and then...joseph's obedience. when God said to flee to egypt because the life of the Child was in danger, he bolted. in the night. there was no hesitation or pause. he folded up the pack-n-play and gathered up the diapers and toys and ran...with his love, mary... and Jesus.... and they were safe.

i want to be moved like that. i want to trust like that. and i know it seems easier in some ways because, yeah, an angel appeared to him in a dream. but still...i admire his trust and movement without questioning or pausing. and yes, joseph and mary were blessed with very clear visual audible instruction, but we have the Holy Spirit. His Spirit...colossians 1:27-Christ in you, the hope of glory. and i know that He moves us and that we can trust Him.

closest i could come to star of bethlehem
(lighting up hope's forehead. our bethlehem hope. lol)

He moves us out of places of unrest and harm to safety. soooo thankful for the faithfulness of the God of joseph. and He brings order out of the chaos in my life. soooo thankful for the faithfulness of my God who breathed the stars and moved the star of david over bethlehem and lets me see falling stars and meets with me in the morning when i'm desperate and overwhelmed and forgives me when i'm anxious and selfish and lazy and heals my brokenness and makes me aware of it in the first place and gives me saturday mornings and sunrises and newness. He. is. good.