second samuel. more on chapter 6 and david's worship.

--personal thoughts--
i've been pensive and actually at times overwhelmed with thoughts concerning life changes that i see in the near future.  God is at work in our community. in our church. in our culture. in our country and all over this planet.  and...i just want to see Him.  and to help others see Him. and i am completely sure completely convinced that God wants me to use my time and my days and to put myself out there to be a part of what He is doing. but...

i have had insecurities...hindrances...having confidence in what i am called to do.  i know i am supposed to write and teach and do artistic and musical things...this is who He made me to be and do. and i have this compassion for hurting people that took me to the hospital for a year...and i'm questioning what to do with the compassion and how to serve.  all of these things may enable me to be a part of what God is doing! but...there's some insecurity that i need to get past. and it's not fear that i won't do well but that i will stand out too much or be up in front too much.

i shared yesterday with the moms and students at my kids' school (our homeschool-school ;)...where we  learn together with other families as we are studying the same curriculum). it was our family's turn to share how we "know God and make Him known."  so...i shared about youth ministry and briefly about taking teenagers and college students to children's homes to share Christ.  and i was transparent as i shared this insecurity that i'm feeling about using my gifts.  i really wanted to minister to the moms somehow and their kids and to bless all of them, but i'm sure i was more encouraged throughout the day than they were in the morning...with words of edification and love. and encouragement to be who God made me to be.

and now looking back at my notes and some written prayer and journaling from the last week, i had written, "i have been hindered by insecurities and fear of standing out if i really start working and serving with my gifts/talents. these are given to me by God and i am blessed. i was getting ready to write about this-even this morning-when i read the lesson for today about being God's worker. enabled by the Holy Spirit. (from beth moore's tabernacle study).  thank You so very much for speaking to me and increasing my faith."

so i'm thankful for the evidence that He is interested and moving me/my heart...but i need to deal with the fear. my fear is that i will stand out.  and God is speaking now to my heart. and this is where david king david comes in again.  this did not concern him.  he was so intensely caught up in worship that he dis-adorned (probably not a word ;) ) his royal robes and danced.  i need to let it go. "dis-adorn" the fear...let it fall off.  as i've thought of this, it's even occurred to me that insecurity keeps me focused on me. what i am to do/how i am to be...too much thinking and pondering on this keeps me focused on me.

so i will let it fall off like david's robe and dance (well my version of dance...more like write and sing and teach)....

Jesus, thank You for freedom from insecurity.

second samuel.

--personal thoughts--
oh i love you so much, friends who are studying with me. just wanting to be transparent (always) and real and tell you of my day/weekend. so i sit here on my bed...imaginary toothpicks holding my eyes open. just slid the silence alarm button off cause i needed a quick nap before getting on here to write. (i used to always do this on assignments-due-night/sundays/brings back not-to-far-away memories of online classes)  the weekend was full-very full-and i am a bit whipped.  but i soooo want to stay committed to this and to keep my word and to follow through.

--old testament understanding--
so it's very near midnight and tomorrow is early but want to start some thoughts on second samuel and complete blogging this wonderful book tomorrow.  so i will focus on david and dancing and the michal incident for the evening. chapter 6...i'm sure you've heard the old worship song "i'll become even more undignified than this...." referring to the david-dancing....  he is completely and obliviously unconcerned with her (michal-his wife's) care of the supposed critics watching him dance.  "'it was before the Lord...i will celebrate before the Lord." and in NASB, "i will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes...." (italics mine). michal was david's wife and "had no child to the day of her death" which was disgrace to her.  her pride cost her til the "day of her death." and david's humility shines brightly.

ohhhh i want to be conscious of Jesus. conscious of worship before Him without people-observing concerns.  without people-observing concerns.  this was david and why he was chosen as king.  he saw God. and reverenced Him. and reverenced the ark-His treasure. and danced before Him with abandon.

i want to love like this and to be prideless.  pride wounds and hurts and leads to sometimes lifelong consequence as with michal.  her pride and foolish tongue cost her.  and the white and black...light and dark...humility and pride contrast between david and michal is vivid.  

lots more tomorrow...in this worship-humility, i want to be like david.

you are loved.

just another very brief pause

friends, i am out of town for a couple days and forgot my notes to blog! so i will start on second samuel tomorrow! you are loved!

first daily post! :) old testament thoughts.

--personal thoughts--
oh wow...coming back to notes, this is a challenge.  (and i am soooo sorry for delay...was hoping to get to this by early february and to those who had committed to read and study with me, i am so sorry! i am reading and writing not just for me but for you and i'm sooo sorry for the delay.) soooo...here we go. :)  though challenging, this is exciting!!! so i will be giving an overview of much of the old testament and will attempt to tie things up from last year's reading.  (not to rush through...but i guess, keyword: overview...for this year.) i've been kind of thinking about this like television seasons kind of...because i'll be reading through again and again. (repetition is good and i am teachable...! telling myself....in a very good way)  next season...each season can be different/some more thorough and what not.  ;)  so...i'm going to try to write daily. yes. daily. i need to commit myself to this so it will happen.  and beginning today (picking up some thoughts from the draft written several weeks ago):


for these books (second samuel. kings. chronicles. etc.)...i will be brief.  highlights are the epic king david and the wise solomon and the dwelling place of God on this planet for a season: the temple (scott is getting ready to teach the youth at our church about the tabernacle. i'm excited.)....  hard lessons from the israelites' wavering between God and gods (satan)...and...the faithfulness of the Lord.  i am reading the old testament with expectation and hope in an everlasting and never-failing Creator....

--old testament understanding--
let me start with a prayer. sweet sweet Father...please breathe life-living thoughts into our hearts as we read. move me to write, Jesus.

so, i am going to just quote the opening/the intro to a series of children's videos called the angel wars.
"in the beginning there was One. a great Maker-King who called forth all that was. the first of the Maker-King's creations was the glorious race of angels with none so bright as the Daystar. but the crown of His creation was earth where lived a race of mortal beings so like the King that it maddened the Daystar. drawing to his side a legion of angels, the rebel fought to overthrow the kingdom of heaven. his rebellion squashed by the righteous guardians, the rebel fled to earth where he found his opportunity for revenge. from that day to this, a war has raged for the hearts of mortals. one side bent on destruction. the other, redemption. these are the angel wars." (here is the video. very cool. http://youtu.be/6radydZT1Ks.) there is an epic battle that is so eternally significant. we know Christ has ultimately won the war, but first peter 5:8 says, "be of sober spirit, be on the alert. your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. but resist him, firm in your faith...."

the presence of evil in our culture and the battle for our minds and hearts has been so very evident to me lately.  and this presence has existed from the beginning...for all these generations. understanding and awareness open our hearts and thoughts toward alertness, though, and can encourage affection for Jesus, our Rescue.  sooo, as we read the israelites' story and understand God's laws for them and His heart for them and His connection with them, we see His character and goodness.  He was always faithful and is faithful.

to be continued as we look at second samuel later today. kings on saturday. chronicles on sunday.  i hope your weekend is wonderful, friends!