7 more days of Christmas

hi! merry Christmas and happy coming 2014 in a couple days! just wanted to check in real quick...i have 7 days bfr routine and schedule catch up with me. 7 days to clean my house and organize and plan for the spring semester (annnnnnnd blog). and i'm holding on to an idea inspired by david crowder (a most loved musician in the reid family)...who performed a Christmas album live a couple yrs ago and said in his intro that if he did his math right: if there are twelve days of Christmas...that it's not really over til january 6th. ha...that's where i am right now. loving the celebration this year. (and that happens to be the day that we all go back to school and back to routine.)

i am sitting on a tile bathroom floor at a hilton in raleigh. so...very nice pretty bathroom floor. lol it's early, and i'm attempting to contain light and noise to this space as not to wake the girls that are with me. we are at a youth conference for just a night and i wanted to squeeze in a little writing here. so hi! i hope you are well!!!

i've been praying about the old testament and how to accomplish summary. days slip by so fast, and they are full. answer to my prayer comes in just write. so yeah.

i will post again later tonight or tomorrow. i pray for you a sweeeeeet 7 more days of Christmas.

lots of love, steph

death by a lion. part two.

i am sitting at the table in our home away from home (it seems). we have found this family friendly beach condo/hotel place with pretty great off-season rates that we have come to love (we've made so many memories here now...) and we decided to come at Christmas this year. crazy low nightly rate to come to heated swimming pools and atlantic shore in december...but this year, praise the Lord! they have had crazy unseasonably high highs. (in the low 70s). i just can't get it in my head...running errands in my hoodie and practically sweating because i can't quite go out in just a tshirt when my best friend, new yorker-now is posting pics of wintery wondery trees covered in lots and lots of inches (feet?) of snow.

this is the longest vacation we've taken as a family (just us) in...um...ever. five nights away. and this morning is the halfway point. *sigh* but fitting because my intention was to blog. blog. blog on this trip and i think it took me a couple of days to wind down and let some anxieties of life fall off...and pray through scott's fever and flu symptoms...and recover from aiden's walmart aisle grape juice and potato chip throw up incident (reminded me of the intoxicated patient when i worked in the ER...wine.) huh...yeah five yr old grape juice is much easier to deal with even if in the camping aisle. (loved carrying my clingy boy to the car/his lethargy miraculously healed when we got back to our place and he was ready to play hide-and-seek again). thinkin it was car sickness and nausea from the hot tub and hot bubble bath that morning. *whew*

soooo... part two. part two of this vacation. part two of my last asireadthebible post and writing through part two (well, a little more than half) of the old testament these next several days.

i've read and reread the death by a lion thoughts. i've thought about my mom. Christmas was her thing. her favorite. her joy. on second thought. on part two thought... not on second thought like i don't agree with what i previously wrote. but on continued thought... just a continued hope in the goodness of God. at Christmas. at advent.

this is about to help me. (thank You, Counselor.) sometimes i start writing, knowing what i'm supposed to write about but not knowing exactly the point yet. and then, as i type...He speaks. this is that time. one of those times. and i'm blown away. 

i just needed to write about my mom again. this is nothing about first kings. or about the thought-provoking narrative of a prophet. but...it is about question-of-the-heart answering truth. just a personal thing and a Christmas thing. i felt i needed to come back to part two of this blog. i wondered if i should say "i know that was speculation about why God may have allowed mom and dad to go through that. i have no way of knowing what the future held for them and definitely want to express confidence in who they had become and in the idea that God was doing some cool things in them at the time of her accident. they wanted to sing more. to sing with her sister and to give of their lives." to emphasize that we just don't know the whys sometimes and it's ok and i want to still and always trust. but also, i think i was to come back to it to think about what part two could mean to a blog like that.

this urgency to trust in His faithfulness. i'm supposed to emphasize this. that He is good. and more than that...that He is good because His heart is affectionate toward us.

three days away from Christmas and still not sure what to put under the tree for the four most important in our lives. tsion. salem. hope. aiden. when i was growing up, Christmas was soooo very simple. everyone got everyone else one or two simple but meaningful gifts. and we went from youngest to oldest opening each. taking the thoughtfulness in. our goal was to make mom cry. and she always did. and most years, dad either bought or made my sister and me a special gift. one year it was a handcrafted wooden box with a note "you are my treasure."

i've been anxious about my kids' expectation. but in my heart i know they just want to hear, "you are my treasure." 

and in our life experiences, i know that that is what we most need to hear...that
we. are. treasured. because this...!!!!!:  when we come to a place in life...in our own lives...or when we read about it. when we read about a death (by a lion or otherwise...) when we read about a tsunami or a school shooting or cancer or child abuse or...about the unloveliness or unlovingness of people who call themselves Christ-followers or about selfishness in alllllll its various forms ...we are shaken to the core and tempted to believe the lie that truth and trust are both evasive...and the lie that the Author of it all is indifferent.

can i shout this out this Christmas?:  He's not indifferent!! He loves! He concerns Himself with our pain and our circumstance and our past and our healing. He grieves when we grieve and injustice pains Him...as He stays/steadies His hand for coming judgment. He is poised for righting wrongs and healing and... for unthinkable mercy and forgiveness. and... 

He wants us to know that we are treasured.

reader!: "although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." we are treasured, and it is demonstrated to us in this (matt. 1:21) that He was born to mary and that she would call His name Jesus, "for He will save His people from their sins."
and romans 5:8, "that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (this means to me...He didn't die for us after we said we were sorry for everything. or after we made all the wrongs right in our lives. He died in anticipation that we would keep screwing things up and it would break His heart but He would wait...and some would respond to His love...and that was all worth it.)

you. are. treasured, reader. and in your circumstance, you can't see what He sees exactly, but He can still your heart and if you're listening...whisper to you that you are treasured. 

can't wait to whisper it in some creative way to my kids this Christmas...treasured by me and treasured by Him...God who came at advent.

death by a lion

ok, friends. i just posted for advent to blogspot and to facebook. and this man of God in first kings chapter 13. i couldn't...can't let it rest. thinking back to other studies i've done when there was a particularly harsh judgment given that may leave the reader with questions (i think back to the story of uzzah...see the post about hugging my bible/second samuel).

i ache to stay in this place of trust.

i think it is normal to read an account like this and think: the man was deceived and it was a mistake but ... punishable by violent death? 

my mom was in a car accident in december of 1999.  the only person we learned of that stopped at the scene of the accident said she was conscious for just a couple minutes and he heard her say, "i'm afraid." her car was pinned up against a tree and her body was stuck and she had a severe very severe head injury.  maybe not like death at the paw and jaw of a lion...but terrifying to a petite woman at the wheel of a car pinned to a tree. why?

i've had 14 years to think on that one.  (and two pretty intense years when she was still with us but not.)

she was living in kansas city, missouri at the time of the accident, and i went to be with her and with my dad for ten days. many hours in the waiting room at the hospital leant themselves to some talking time. dad told me at one point...updating me/informing me of what was going on in their lives...that they had been struggling and that mom would be going to counseling again. (still thinking that this accident was just a setback)... she had struggled much of her adult life with ups and downs emotionally/spiritually but had gained enormous victory during my teen years and i soooo learned from her life and faith walk. since the accident, i have wondered why. and...i remember after dad had moved her from kansas city here to winston-salem, nc having the knowledge that for the first few months when he was living with scott and me that he cried himself to sleep wondering why. she was no longer communicative and was not our "vangie." but she stayed with us for two years after the accident and i speculate that with each visit, she was in deep prayer. and i speculate that He took her to that place... and then, to heaven in december 2001 in many ways to spare her and to spare my dad and to spare my sister and me and our families from any ache and sorrow and angst of her walking through a funk emotionally again...and spiritually. i think...i think He wanted what was better for allllll of us. and that was the wholeness and health and crazy love of my dad's care for her those two years...while his hair grew long cause he told her that he wouldn't cut it til she told him to. watching him wash her hair and brush her teeth and shave her legs and all the other things nurses do for the unable...the beauty of a husband's love and the now knowledge of her place in heaven.  wow and writing all that out makes me want to tell soooo much more and live back through and share all that we learned in those years but...back to first kings. ;)

this is what i think. i wonder and speculate that God knew what the man of God would experience if left to walk out the rest of his days. he must have been a pretty intense guy with such a strong prophetic gift...to hear the word of God for the king and to have the guts to travel to him and prophecy there something quite unfavorable for jeroboam. the guy carried out this intense mission and on his way home, he made a huge mistake.  on the edge of the craziest most overwhelming day of his life...he disobeyed because he wasn't careful to see this mission through to the end exactly the way God had instructed. and this is what i wonder.  the way it is written in the record, it seems that God was punishing his disobedience and yeah, he was. he allowed him to die because he wasn't careful. but i see mercy in this act. i wonder, just like my mom, if God knew the man couldn't be in a healthy place mentally or emotionally for the rest of his days...thinking that he screwed up the most important mission and purpose of his life.  i wonder if he was sparing this intense man from guilt-filled sustaining thoughts...from beating himself up for years to come...from the intense pain of his perceived failure. and...this is just speculation of course...but there's so very much we don't know...that we can't know about why things happen that God allows.

i see mercy in this. and with each story that i read. with each life experience and stress and mystery and question...i long to trust my God who is merciful and just and faithful. and He will allow an abrupt ending or a job loss or an accident or even a death if it is for the good of those it touches.

He is good. and i trust God who allowed an unnamed man in first kings to die at the jaw of a lion.

and was going to end it there but looked for a scripture and immediately providentially found...

this: ....................isaiah 53:10-11!!!!!!  but the Lord was pleased to crush Him. this is prophecy about Jesus.

pleased? what... 
as a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; by His knowledge the Righteous One, my Servant, will justify the many, as He will bear their iniquities. and verse 12...  He poured out Himself to death... He Himself bore the sin of many. God was pleased to allow this death... even death on a cross (see phil. 2:7-8!) the death of His Son. for me.

thank You, Lord.  the ultimate measure of mercy though it cost His Son's life on a cross. thank You, God, for being pleased to crush Him. and for indescribable and beyond-our-understanding acts of mercy. let me always allllways see You as good. because You are... sooooo very good.

for advent

i hope you've had a nice tuesday (coming back to this a couple mornings later. lol i mean...hope you have a nice thursday! :) ). it is rare that i write in the evening, but it is quiet in our home and perfect for reading and praying and writing and sharing with you... :) (and getting sleepy and finishing the post after restedness and another day of busy-ness. how do you write busy ness? it's not business. lol) soooooo...

i'm at chapter nine and reviewing...God made a promise to solomon and gave a warning. He required solomon's faithfulness, the faithfulness of his family and of israel. chapter 10 records the visit of the queen of sheba and the vastness of his wealth. and then in 11, we read of how solomon's wives "turned his heart away" (v. 3). he worshiped other gods, and God raised up adversaries to his throne.

following solomon's death, his son rehoboam took the throne and foolishly acted according to the counsel of his friends with a heavy hand toward israel.  we read of conflict with jeroboam and then of jeroboam's idolatry.

i need to pause and write just some thoughts about this month and the old testament.  as i speed-write through these books, it is overview and...thoughts here and there that stick out/stand out that the Lord illuminates for me in the summary.  and...it's not ideal bible study. but i feel it has a purpose for this season and this month and for advent.  and...i honestly just need to blog through this commitment to finish the old testament by the end of the year. i need to stay on the bike this month and keep pedaling toward this goal ;) (see "pedaling" 10/22/13)...and as i write now, i feel the Lord is drawing me back to the idea of writing for advent. this will be our theme of overview... first kings through malachi. ;)

ok so in chapter 13, it is recorded that a man of God came to jeroboam with warning. the chapter outlines his prophecy and then his travel back to his home. wish i had time to ponder pray write about what happened to him...a story of carefulness in obedience. another prophecy against the king in chapter 14 from ahijah to his wife...all related to how he had turned israel from the Lord to idol worship. at the same time, rehoboam reigned in judah and was breaking the heart of God in idolatry as well.

remember, this is first kings. kings and chronicles are history annuls outlining the reign of those in place. i recall my college old testament professor assigning memorization of the line of kings--good and bad. so next, abijam ruled in judah. bad.  then, asa. good.  chapter 15, verse 14, "the heart of asa was wholly devoted to the Lord all his days."  then, jehosophat. good. and after jeroboam in israel, nadab and then baasha ruled. both bad. 

i have to pause once again for life. (ya know...kid breakfasts and school and laundry cause tsion is getting in the shower and looking for clean clothes and meetings today and bills to pay and Christmas planning and shopping and ...wow...soooo far removed from israel and judah and good kings and bad kings. but as i reflect, i know God is interested in this one home and this one woman of God as He was in that man of God in chapter 13...wishing i had time to pray and figure out what He was communicating through his life and the record of it...we don't even know his name but God clearly very clearly moved him. hmmm) be blessed as you walk out today. and we'll come back to first kings when i have a quiet moment again. love to you!!!

that He may incline our hearts to Himself

hi friends, and merry Christmas!  let's get right to the bible study. my last post was a response to chapter three in first kings, and i'm going to pick up there.

verse 16 begins solomon's judgment between the two women who were fighting over a baby. each had an infant near the same time and one died. this is the story in which the one claimed the living baby to be hers, and solomon told them that he would "divide the living child in two, giving half to the one and half to the other," and of course, the real mom said "no!"  i believe this story was recorded as an example of solomon's wisdom and of his discernment into the heart of the accused and the accuser and the wounded and the manipulator. he knew the true mother would speak up when it came down to it. blessed discernment. sad sad story. i cringe that this really happened.

chapter four records the officials in solomon's administration and the abundance of his wealth and wisdom which i wrote about last time. :) then, in chapter 5...the beginning of temple-building preparations. solomon ruled during a peaceful time and could take on this task. he made a friendship/alliance with hiram king of tyre, and he commissioned men to begin work gathering stone for the temple. 480 years after the sons of israel came out of egypt, they began to build. chapter 6 records the dimensions of the temple and details of construction and  a promise (verse 12). it took seven years to build the temple. then, in 7, we read about solomon's palace. another thirteen years of building, and it was pretty unreal.  we read of bronze and decorative cherubim and pillars and decorative pomegranates.  (this reminds me of my sister's and cousin's standing joke...one Christmas, i gave them each a fake squash. we call it the "decorative squash," lol. it's sparkly. yeah. sparkly decorative squash. ha.) but, in their culture, the pomegranates were special. and we read of hand-hewn furniture and gold and silver utensils and extravagance. evidence of solomon's great wealth.

the ark is brought into the temple, and chapter 8 records how a cloud filled up the house of the Lord...His presence. solomon prayed  a prayer of dedication. i completely love what he said to the people when he stood (v. 58), "may the Lord our God be with us, as He was with our fathers; may He not leave us or forsake us, that He may incline our hearts to Himself." (italics mine). this verse stuck out to me when i read it months ago (and actually mentioned it in another post more than a year ago). and it still jumps off the page, because it's my desire. i know nothing else can satisfy. unrest and discontent in my spirit is never resolved without  Him. i want my heart to be inclined to Him...when it is, peace dissolves the angst and discontent. my soul rests in Him. 


first kings to be continued and completed soon. bless you...