i am but a little child

--this is personal--
in first kings three, solomon is in this place.  he. feels. inadequate.  v. 7 "now, o Lord my God, You have made Your servant king in place of my father david, yet i am but a little child; i do not know how to go out or come in."

yet.

at this child-place, God gave solomon what. he. needed.

he didn't know how to rule a people "too many to be numbered or counted." he asked for an understanding heart and for discernment.

we always talk about solomon's wisdom. i like seeing this a bit closer. he was granted specifically wisdom and discernment. v. 10 "it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing...God said to him, '...i have given you a wise and discerning heart.'" this is what he needed to rule and to govern. this is exactly what solomon needed.

i feel at the place of child-need.  what am i always telling my children?

***i am so glad i sat down to write today. i am wrecked. and He is close and He is growing me up.***

when my children are in need, their first impulse?!! not even necessary for me to type it out, is it?...*panic!!* tears. and the whine voice that i've caught myself doing crazy impulsive things to silence.  *but He is so patient. soooo patient. He never slaps His hand over my mouth or (like when they were little) a paci between my lips.* Jesus, thank. You. i want to silence the whining and the tears that echo like background noise screaming: "things aren't ok. resolve this conflict, mom. mom. mom!!!! i need you, mom!" and i see the need. i see the conflict, and i correct. correct. correct. because it is justice. (and i'm a bit like solomon who judged between...and advocated justice.)  but i always always tell them if they have a need to ask. nicely. stephanie every. day. mom words: "i will not respond to whining. please ask. me. nicely."  

the whining is impulsive and unrestful and full of panic and fearful and discontented. and i am coming to the end of a week of it in my spirit. oh Jesus, forgive me. i have been impulsive and unrestful and full of panic and fearful and discontented. unchecked. wait, no. this is Jesus speaking and journaling through me and checking me as i type.  

and. He will give what. i. need. in my inadequacy. as a mom. as a teacher. as a bill-payer and wife and maid. because i'm pretty sure it's "pleasing in the sight of the Lord" when i ask nicely...

oh Jesus, thank You for checking my whining. and for assurance in my spirit that You lovvvve to meet my need and You want me to ask nicely (not because of impatience/You're not like me)...but because You want me to crawl up in Your lap and. ask. i love Your giving heart to me, Abba (Daddy).