--personal thoughts--
i found a new template. what do ya think? little softer on the eyes and love the bookshelf and the colors...love the books (pretending they're all my favorites.) :) (coming back to this a few days later and that doesn't make sense ...actually changed it back to simple cause yeah...this is sooo like me and my living room wall color/me in my closet. fun to try it on though...:)............).
it is 5:19 a.m. and i have been piddling around (trying to figure out why i'm awake. wide open in the center of the night...eyes wide opened to see. asking for God to speak to my heart.) since... oh about 3:30/3:40. i think the first i looked at my phone clock was 2:52. well...i went to bed at 9 and this body isn't used to more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep. that, and this constant sense of urgency to pray. worry pray. but that's an oxymoron i think. am i praying or worrying?
am i missing something?
Jesus!! (italicized. capitalized with exclamation points. prayed. not taken in vain... Jesus.) i need You.
at the end of the worry prayer, He takes His thinline sharpie and cleanly crosses through the worry part. and He writes above and in the margin: heard.
got it.
effective.
sustaining.
your prayers matter, steph.
stephie... I have affection for you and I hear you and I know you and I know the need. I'm interested and involved and already working and your waiting is temporary. a breath and there will be resolution. and the pain is only for a night. and joy is in the morning. yeah, stephie, sometimes early morning. ;)... i am in the quiet of your house. (i hear Him call me stephie).
--old testament--------------
"David in Old Age" ...the heading at the beginning of first kings one. his health was failing, and he couldn't keep warm. they brought him a wife to hold but he "did not cohabit with her." and...it had to be brought to his attention in a really clear jolt that one of his sons was trying to take the throne though he'd promised it to solomon.
for today, i just want to see confirmed an idea that the Lord is speaking in this quiet dark...just one thought.
i have lived in fear that i will miss something. what if i'm not quiet enough in my heart to pray the way my loved peeps need me to...what if they go through stuff that could've been avoided had their mom been more consistent? if her sister had been more consistent. (all she has left cause our mom and dad are in heaven already.) what if i miss something?
i want to be assured of this one thing. if my heart desires the closeness of my Savior Jesus, and it fully compleeeeeetely unreservedly trusts His perfect hand to order...then He will act and move in response to even the simplest most brief quiet whisper prayer. HE HEARS. and He will move others and circumstances and He will awaken hearts and will convict and comfort and cover with grace. and He will not allow satan to win where we have hope-prayed for victory.
He moved nathan and bathsheba and king david to right the wrong of adonijah's err. david did not miss it. he didn't miss it in his old age. in his frailty and weakness, he didn't miss it. God didn't let him goof this next king thing up. He moved people and circumstances to accomplish what was right even when david was too old to reign with awareness or discernment...God moved. and solomon became king. and he let david see...live to see...that He is at work and interested and in control. and He granted david sound-mindedness to charge solomon in an anointing speech (for next post).
thank You for this thought in the quiet dark. i love You. Jesus.
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