the passage including verses 9-12 of chapter 32 is significant to our understanding of jacob. he followed after God as did his father, isaac, and grandfather, abraham. he humbled himself before the God of his fathers. he was blessed because he sought God for help in his time of need.
--personal thoughts--
the interaction between jacob and esau is beautiful. i once did something to hurt my sister...unintentionally, but significantly...my words had cut deeply. when i came to understand how i had wounded her, i thought about what i could possibly do to make it right. a handmade paper flower in simplicity reconciled sisters...without words, it communicated my regret for my words and acknowledged my felt sorrow for my actions.... i love how jacob visually and physically acknowledged his wrongful actions toward esau many, many years earlier...with gifts to appease. he wanted desperately to make things right with esau, and i don't think it was just for his safety or the safety of his family in light of esau's supposed wrath. i would like to assume he was hoping for the love of a brother. reading of their reconciliation is beautiful.
i have to share something very personal as we think about the forgiveness of esau. i have had a song running through my head for a few days. a song about forgiveness called 7 x 70 by chris august. we saw chris perform this in concert a few months ago, and he talked about how he had started to write a song about the pain of his childhood and the break-up of his family...and in the quiet of his searching heart, it turned into a song of healing forgiveness. so, it's been so random. i really just love the video they filmed about it and the moving picture of his hurt and pain being washed over with healing because he let himself forgive. i hadn't given it a second thought really because i didn't think i really had any unforgiveness issues in my life. i just loved the beautiful picture and the beauty of the song....until last night. late in the evening....right before i went to bed, it hit me that i absolutely do have an unforgiveness issue. i have been deeply angry with myself about something. the anger was real. and all the negative effects of it. frustration. anxiety...negative emotions can remain dormant but come to the surface in moments of weakness which is what i've been experiencing over a period of many months. (not to any enormous extreme or anything)...just an underlying...things just aren't quite right in me.... i wasn't angry at another person. there has not been unresolved conflict. it's all me...but it's hindered me.
the very cool and amazing and beautiful and wonderful thing is that God revealed this to me, dear friends.... so that i could see it...come face-to-face with it and forgive myself. i'm really out of time this morning and have so much more processing to do with this... maybe there will be another opportunity to come back to it.
anyway...praise the Lord for this pic of forgiveness between brothers...and the picture in our brains of the healing of forgiveness....
oh, here's the song:
you are loved
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